Present Best Moment – The Real Secret to Happiness

Does being in the present moment and mood always help us? Or is it the present best moment, that actually elevates us? So, should we choose to be in the state of mind that the latest best event has put us in? Give it a thought!

It is not uncommon that the equation between expectations and results turn the other way around. We all believe in the saying – “Failure is the stepping stone to success”, yet frown at them and give up when we face one. Shouldn’t we “accept and move on” instead? Failure to succeed, when approached with positivity, opens-up many more doors of opportunities. This is a small poem on such an instance. Its hard to accept and move on when what we deem to be our most worthy effort fails to shape out the way we planned them. But, when we think from a different perspective, that’s where a new chapter in life begins.

Here’s to the beautiful parenthood we are journeying in. I wonder – Is a child being raised in the process of parenting or is it us , parents, evolving? Honestly, i feel its both.

Me in my life,
Had the option clear!
That Being in the present moment
Is the happiness Steer!!
 
There came my daughter,
In her after-school cheer! 
Uhhoooo she’d given an exam! 
So, worries shadowed my smiles’ rear!!
 
We sat down to check on, 
And I was in tears! 
Cos her math had all gone 
Far and near!!

But she was cool,
And said to have given her best! 
Which i could vouch, 
For all preparations happened in my nest!!
 
Tring-ring Tring-ring, 
The phone bell rang! 
It was her granny 
And they happily sang! 
 
She had gotten into a dance group 
And was beaming with pride! 
While i felt miserable 
After the exam ride!!
 
Being in the present moment! 
Does it always help? 
“Nah-nah. No-no” said my conscience, 
In a witty yelp! 
 
Happiness and sadness 
Are feelings of our hearts! 
Should it hold you guilty, 
Letting it go should be on the cards!! 
 
Success in life 
Can only be met! 
When one moves on, 
Was the subtle message, which I now get!! 
 
And we went on to celebrate, 
Her achievement in dance! 
Our other goals, we would accomplish 
In our next chance!
  
I am sure you would be able relate this to some incident or the other in your own life. 🙂 Relish it!

*** READ IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE ***

… be it Tamil, Marathi, Hindi, Telugu, Malayalam, Punjabi, Gujarathi, READ IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE.

Visual Beauty might be in the eyes of the beholder. But when it comes to language, the real beauty lies in how you modulate and what words you use.

For instance, the Sri Lankan Tamils have never failed to fascinate me with their beautiful delivery of the language. One such renowned example was Rajageedham’s host – B. H. Abdul Hameed, who was flawless with his Tamil. Language is most of the times people’s undeniable identity stamp.

Let’s take a proficiency test:
1. Write what’s running in your mind in English and
2. Also pick-up a paragraph (in English) from the web.

Try translating the two in your mother tongue and see if they convey exactly the same as in English. If you get the same “satisfaction of expression” in both, the language in you is alive and still close to your heart! If you feel an emptiness or incompleteness somewhere, then, its an indication that your language is slowly drifting away from your heart, having given ‘enough space’ for a foreign language.

This is also a wake up call for all of us to start reading in our mother tongue and gain proficiency in it, even if not a command. After all, how much ever we excel in speaking and writing a foreign language, our mother tongue speaks louder for us and about us! 🙂

The right time you pick up a novel or a daily in your language and start reading it regularly is NOW! After all, isn’t it a pride if we are experts in our mother tongue?

It really is, for me!

#loveyourlanguage as much as you #appreciateyourlanguage and #feelproudaboutit

Originally published on Nov 16, 2017 @https://www.momspresso.com

Eternal note to ‘the little too quick to leave’ Pradyuman

Your 2 merciful eyes,
On one fateful day.
Were forced to shut
In a very painful way.

Neither by God’s will,
Nor that was your Wish.
But just to a human’s need
Utterly Selfish.

Someone wanted to escape
Standing embarrassed,
That he resorted to
Hunt you instead.

Tell me darling!
What all were running in your mind that Day?
Did you want to play a certain game?
Or share an innocent secret with your best friend?
Were you planning to go somewhere over the weekend?
Only such small desires should have filled your mind – beginning to end.

My heart goes out to your mother,
Who would be grieving deeply until now,
Not sure if you were naughty or nice;
But, she is sure to be missing you every then and now.
Whether you were a student so smart or kind of bad,
For having parted with you this way, your teachers would surely be sad.

I have a daughter, 7 in age too,
Tender and sweet, almost just like you!
Sometimes she gets on my nerves;
Unintentionally, of course!
And ends up on the other side,
Which I later always remorse.

At such instances she is such a pain.
But having known you, has put me to shame.
I’ve at times Shouted at her and asked her to stay quiet.
After all, she’s at least still in my sight.
Jumping, crying, fighting and complaining,
Now, I love her more, along with her endless mischiefs.

I do not know in how many more heavy hearts
Your currently reside,
May our souls always stay connected,
Side-by-side.

Rest in peace little angel!
Loads of love from a mother!!

#RIPPradyuman #Pradyuman

Confide to Yourself Confidently

The best thing one can ever give her/his child is the confidence to handle their situations. A quality education and a positive environment may partially help develop a confident self, but it’s complete only when we raise the child to be bold and free to express their opinions and feelings.

This post is about a recent incident I came across at a retailer’s outlet. It was an afternoon time, and a mother-toddler duo entered the shop for some quick pick-up. The child was filled with usual after-school energy and was throwing enough tantrums that rattled the already exhausted mother. She tried all approaches carrots, sticks and in-between to calm him, but his boundaries to test her patience only widened.

In that “fraction of a minute”, the mother gave it up and said to a nearby stranger to scold/scare the child and the “totally unrelated” man feeling “all adult” raised his voice at him and the naugty little one silently walked behind his relieved mother.

The scene ended there and we finally had peace around. But, I was left with some serious thoughts. It’s not new that we sometimes involve ‘the available stranger’ to hush up our little 🐒 🐒… But, is it really OKAY that we invite and let an unrelated person yell at our child just because the situation got beyond our control? Would we do this on a normal day? Rather, won’t we react exactly opposite with anyone crossing their limits with our child? And most importantly, assuming that this is done more often, what impact will this have on the child on a longer run? When he grows up, how will he handle the situation when confronted by someone? Will he be bold enough to speak his mind or will he simply accept comments, going by the story of the elephant that was chained as a baby who forgot his real strength when he grew up. The real world is cobwebbed with iron chains. It needs a confident inner self to be handled effectively and this is nurtured starting from the childhood.

I strongly believe that there are no right-s or wrong-s in parenting. Each child is different and hence each parent is different, who is trying to give their bests to their child to the extent possible. But, there is also nothing wrong in asking ourselves some questions occasionally, if needed. Perhaps, those might help us in making “our bests” even more better. Isn’t it? 🙂
Think about it!

– All in thoughts,
Sujatha (Vidhya) 🙂

CHALLENGE YOUR CHALLENGES

Our instincts and inner voice at many circumstances are our best guides. Thus guided, I took up a practitioner course on Subconscious Re-imprinting for wellness and this tag – “NLP professional” massively changed my views, roles and responsibilities on self and towards society. As an individual, I felt that the course had made me a totally different person with an “It’s not the end” attitude and I had a strong urge to pass this benefit on to many others. That’s when and how my initiative Program your Plane (PyP) (https://www.facebook.com/Programyourplane/) came into existence and I started offering knowledge-sharing / motivational workshops, aiming to put everyone in a constant positive frame of mind and helping them handle their anxieties better.

I recently got a session request from a woman that expressed her desire of wanting to let go of her “can’t do” believes which she had picked-up because of “being a woman and then a mother”. Being a woman, reading this note itself was very painful. Had this been a general “no confidence” belief, then it would have been a different case. Further chat with her revealed that the root cause was not her mind set, but how our society generally discriminates capabilities based on gender and roles played. Not just this, but even on personal counselling sessions over the past 2 months, women, irrespective of their age have expressed such concerns adding being taken for granted in decisions involving them and those put together have been the very cause of their anxieties. So, this for sure is not concerned with just one woman.

If you are one of them, who lately started feeling less confident, here are a few ways you can get back to your confident self. Also remember, however demotivating our environment is, we all have to be happy and positive. This wanting to be happy is for our own self and not for someone else / something else. So, that someone else / something else should not be a reason for your unhappiness / distress either. With this in mind, read on these recommendations:

1. Every time you feel less confident about doing something, apply the AS-IF rule.
Think that you are already confident and make the following changes:
a. As-if you are already confident, how will your body posture be? – Put your body posture (shoulders, neck and head) in such a way that you are confident.
b. As-if you are already confident, how will your breathing be? – It will be deep, long and refreshing. Bring that pattern in your breathing.
c. As-if you are already confident, how will your inner voice be? – Tell yourself – “My Name is _______ and I am feeling motivated and very confident. I am going to do it!”
d. As-if you are already confident, how will your facial expression be? – Set that expression and bring that confident S-M-I-L-E  on your face.

Your mind and body has a communication line already set and they work under a law of attraction. What’s in the mind reflects in your body and the reverse is also applicable. Haven’t we heard of Face is the reflection of mind? It’s on this basis. Hence, when the body shows signs of positivity and confidence, mind will automatically be attracted to pick that up, which will help us in resolving things.
 
2. Focus on the “WHYs” – Set your purpose / goal clear. It will keep you motivated and confident even when the HOWs fail and will help to generate new HOWs (ideas). Set target-centric goals and keep your actions flexible. For no reason should your goal change.

3. Your values – your hierarchy:
We all have values in life. Love & Affection, Family, Kids, Career, Status, Money, Time and attention on oneself, Friends, Hobbies, Service to the society etc. These vary from person to person. There is no right or wrong in the order of priority of these values. Analyze and build your hierarchy of values and spend enough or little time (if not enough) on each of the top 5-7 values daily. Review your hierarchy every week since this order keeps changing. For eg. You might be ignoring “time for yourself” and hence in the first week this value might rank in top 7. This would gradually go down in the order over 2-3 weeks if you spend time for yourself consciously and some other value like “Reading” or “Visiting friends” might find a place in top 7. So, reviewing the hierarchy regularly is important to make sure that you live a balanced life and your interests are not compromised while working for common interests. Please watch out PyP’s page for a video on how to build a value hierarchy, would be shortly uploaded.

4. Stop worrying. Realize that we all worry over an imagined situation of “WHAT Ifs”, although the stress it gives is real and prolonged worries are damaging. So, Stress is not good. If you are feeling extremely stressed, try this mind game. Hold some object in your hand – say out loud that you are dropping your stress – drop the object, smile and breathe out. Repeat this about 5-10 times until you get feeling of de-stressed. This drama is for your mind and little drama always helps  Most of the times, this drama inside us is much much required to handle all the drama happening outside!! Drop a message @ PyP for a help on this.

5. Break your Stoppers (Possibility, Ability and Worthiness) to open the Doors to Success. Constantly remind yourself that what you are working at is possible, you are able of achieving it and absolutely worthy to enjoy it. When your situation is challenging, start working on your inner self and see yourself as more deserving and worthy. And then, take a re-look at your situation! This will give you many keys of solutions to handle the situation.

6. Finally, a word to all the bumblebees – my lovely ladies reading this. Let’s support each other and grow together. Appreciate and complement others as often as possible. Pat each other’s back while giving an appreciation. We do not know what our ever-smiling friend is going through or where she is stuck. Frequent appreciations and pats will keep her in a positive state and help her face her challenges better. Women just need one thing in life to achieve many other things – Trust on herself. Keep that side of the coin up, always!

Live a resourceful life ladies! There are several women empowerment initiatives carried out by different stake-holders these days including better employment opportunities, better health, safety, girls’ education etc. But real empowerment is made possible in real time only when YOU ignite a spark within you to make yourself a better person. Being a women and mother is a big booster for all of us to stand up strong and grounded and these should never make us less confident. Remember! YOU CAN DO IT and you are born to achieve and is capable of conquering the sky, irrespective of what roles you play. Drop your (mis-)believes and re-claim your life. Enjoy your womanhood and be proud of the best gift of your life – motherhood.

Share these tips with your mother, wife and other women in your life and help them stay confident each day, each moment.

#NationalPolicy4Women #makethewoman #claimyourlife

#de-gen parenting – A ‘Swiss degen’ to pro-actively protect women from violence and abuse

Coming to the point straight, the moment some unfortunate incident involving a woman or a girl child comes to light, there is much heat in the “socio-presso” environment. Socio – We all, as responsible citizens, do as much to spread “awareness” about the incident (note: just the incident), least realizing that all that we do is mere “chewing” of chronology of events that happened / supposedly happened, mixing enough masala according to our logic. Presso – The socially responsible journalists and media start debating about the issue. Their part does not end until the accused’s, the victim’s and the victim’s guardian’s roles are discussed, generalized and a particular set of people pointed-at. In majority of cases, the victim herself is declared the criminal. Remember the recent Swathi case, how many assumptions, how many rumors accusing her morale were built and now there is complete silence around it. Even in a cultured and civilized society like ours, it’s shocking to see how some mindless lot feel it is OK to shower women with unimaginable violence (domestic and other).

We, a set of people who are in no way related to the issue or parties involved, hurriedly discuss possible solutions and probable strategies that could be made to avert similar future incidents. But, the fact is that it’s not something that could be changed overnight. It’s a deep-rooted problem with the basement itself which can be rectified only by:
1) The families who are supposed to, but fail to look at their boys (sons, grand-sons etc.) and their girls (daughters, grand-daughters etc.) equally; and
2) Our society – though it appreciates an empowered woman, it still has two different stands for men and women and does not completely accept such a women.
I think our kids need a better place to live when our they grow up.

It cannot be denied that families love their girls as much as they love their boys. But, there is a sharp and glaring imbalance in the way our age-old beliefs and traditions look at the boys and girls at different stages of their lives, from the very moment a child is born. For instance, Boys are regarded to as a varisu /legal heir, while girls are seen as Mahalakshmi (the goddess of wealth) herself. There is absolutely no problem with seeing the girl child as a goddess. But in reality the birth of a child, be it a boy or a girl, brings in a lot of happiness, which is the real and complete wealth and any child is equal to God. So why not start looking at an arrival of a child as the arrival of happiness and divinity, irrespective of the gender to start with?

Then, as they grow up, in a family with 2 children – a boy and a girl, the family time-and-again reminds the sister that she is a girl and should be responsible, patient, soft-natured, pleasant etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong again about this, if only it teaches the brother as well, the importance of such values and teach both brother and sister to love, care-for and respect each other because they are different individuals by themselves. Sadly, this does not happen and hence from a very young age, the boys are infused with wrong signals that it is OK if he is adamant, rough and loud in actions because he always heard advices – “behave in xyz manner because, that’s what girls should be like”, going to his sister and never to him.

There are also some instances, where the boys are overly-pampered and kept out of household / even simple personal work and only the girls asked to help with it which programs the minds of the kids that household work is a ladies’ job, which is not completely true. Of course, ladies would do it with much more ease, but whose job it is lies in the mind and not in the job. Today, we have men as top chef rocking the industry, but cooking is considered a ladies’ job. Similarly, there are women pilots, police officers and athletes who perform as good as the men. So, boys should also be encouraged to help their mothers with the household work just like the girls do which will actually help the boys in learning to be independent, taking care of their things by themselves and maintaining the home as home.

Outside of house, even today, there are co-education schools that try to keep their boys and girls (even as small as 7 yrs. of age) separate with their own justifications. To the contrast, we should let them grow up under a common roof allowing enough communication and correcting them where required because those are the fundamental years when children predominantly develop basic understanding about things around which would help them grow up into bold, confident and respectable adults who have better views about the opposite gender.

This entire thing is like planting a banyan tree, the fruits of which would not show immediately. If we as parents consciously raise boys and girls without any gender bias, encouraging them to respect each other, the current situation might change 15 years down the line when these young boys and girls grow up into more responsible men and women with healthy and matured relationships. This maturity in the way they look at each other would be enough to protect the women from possible abuse by traditionally raised and older men. We already have the “Bharathi Kanda pudhumainp penngal” (the new age women as the Tamil poet Bharadhiyar dreamed of) currently and are only awaiting the very Bharathi to be born inside every human who is thus able to respect such women, appreciating their glory and grace. As Prof. Jayanthasri Balakrishnan, who is an inspiration to many, states – “Vishwaroopamum, Bhagawad Geethaiyum Kaanbavaradhu Kangalilum, Ketpavaradhu Kadhugalilum Ullana” (Vishwaroopam and Bhagawad Gita lie in the eyes and ears of those who witness it). May we all soon be blessed with such vision and stand and grow together as one community – the human species.

-1 of n penned by Vishwambhara (AKA Vidhya/Sujatha)

Misery Man and the Mirror

Hello Everyone!! The perfect way to start a new year, a new week or a new day is through transformation.

Many of us carry our own perceptions about everything and everyone and complain, discounting the fact that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 🙂 Then, we expect luck to favour us. How beautiful would our lives be if only, we live it to the fullest – minus assumptions, minus judging others, minus fear of being judged, minus hatred, minus fear of losing, minus fear of getting lost, minus xyz…

Here’s a poetry about a conversation between a man who is kind of complaining and his mirror and how the mirror beautifully transforms him into a happy optimist at the end. Hope you enjoy it.

MM
Mirror mirror on the wall, 
What’s my fortune around this fall?

M
Life and fortune are like balls, 
So, you be nice and take good calls!

MM
Mirror mirror people are bad, 
They act so selfish and make me sad.

M
Those who give, don’t expect back, 
So stock to give that you don’t lack.

MM
Oh! What do I give? Is this fair? 
See, I am not rich. This is despair.

M
Spread some kindness and words of love. 
For that’s the need for everyone now.
Smile that blossom, at the moment or meet, 
Would keep you content and your heart at peace.

MM
But life’s very threatening and so harsh, 
Every second seems a dip in a marsh. 
I feel insecure and full of fears, 
How will I care, when always in tears?

M
Keep in mind your master is near,
And to him you are always so dear.

MM
But, not all my prayers he answers. 
Want a count? Check my transfers.

M
God Will! God Will! Have some faith. 
For his best blessings, you should wait. 
Pray for others, than for you. 
Their difficulties – you have no clue!
Give them your shoulders and you’ll feel lite, 
Together you would cross the stress so might.

MM
Mirror mirror on the wall,
People are good and are all my pals. 
What I would sow, so would I reap, 
And I have tons of goodness which isn’t so cheap!
With smiling lips and warmth in words, 
I would soar through the sky, like those happy birds!!

Live happy 🙂

Manual to Dreams (ver. 1.0)

Version Update: Childhood Conditioning Broken Down!

Push Factor: Morning study time with my 6 YO.

Goal: Break conditioning and format your dreams.

Scene: Revising an English concept on usage of Can / Cannot.

Me: “Do you know what can / cannot mean?”

Ms. A: “Yes.”

Me: “Good! Let’s fill these blanks now.” We had a bunch of worksheets.

Ms. A: “Okay!!”

Me: “Baby _____________ drink milk.”

Ms. A: “Can!”

Me: “Very Good! Next – I _______________ jump.”

Ms. A: “Can!!” and she jumped.

Me: “Excellent!!! I ______________ count stars.”

Ms. A: “Can!”, came the instantaneous reply all ten fingers pointing upwards.

Me: “No… Annanya. You cannot count stars”

Ms. A: Was silent giving a blank look meant asking why.

Me: “OK… Tell me how you’ll count the stars”

Ms. A: Looked up and went “1, 2, 3… 10!” and smiled with pride.

Me: “But there are more than 10 stars. They are in millions and billions.” I said dusting out the bookish knowledge.

Ms. A: Did not want to accept so easily that she cannot count starts and continued, “11, 12, 13….”

Me: “Ow ow… Annanya!” I tried to talk as she kept counting in the background. “Wait, there are more than a 100 stars. They are so many in number that you can never count them.”

Ms. A: “Oookaayy, cannot”, she said half-heartedly.

Me: “Yes…”

I was content that I was able to convince her that she “cannot count stars”. But, the fact was that she did not fully accept it. Her logic said – she knew numbers and she believed that she can count objects irrespective of their number.

We moved to the next.

Me: I ____________ fly a plane.

Ms. A: “Can!”

Me: My mind voice hummed: Ohh… Noo.. My daughter is not going to fare well in her exammm!! “Annanya, You cannot fly a plane.”

Ms. A: Gave a puzzled-cum-irritated look because she felt she can! I was pulling her down every time.

I was sharply hit by guilt and stopped right there. I was negatively conditioning her every time I said “You cannot”. I could not see the right and wrong in her answers anymore. Taken aback by her confidence of “I Can”, I began to realize the fact that children are born with unlimited possibilities. For them, the universe is in their palm and everything was possible. They had the most powerful set of keys – dedicated efforts, belief in self, blissful ignorance of being judged, topped-up with a confident smile.

We were all such striking kids once upon a time and in the process of being “always right”, lost ourselves midway. As a child, we had lots of aspirations, dreams and hopes, but these were sadly digressed by the conditioning we faced at various stages and situations. Our custom and education system conditioned us and we obliged. Later, our jobs took us over and we gladly decided to fly in the direction of the wind. We did whatever we did to impress someone else. We took the used road all the time so that we are always safe and are always right. We started strongly believing in whatever the world said and the world loudly roared – When something has not been done so far, it can never be done. We took pleasure in proving the world’s view about us right and slowly started living up to someone else’s expectations, because that’s what gave us fruits.

Fortunately, it’s now time for us to wake up from that sleep of misconception. Such a dawn had gifted those who woke up with a big bag of goodies. They saw a new ray of hope, a new level of energy, lots and lots of confidence which ultimately took them closer to their dreams. There is really nothing under the sky that cannot be achieved with dedicated efforts. Just, Break the conditioning and set yourself free! As our dearest Dr. Kalam always insisted – Dream. And Dream grand without fear or doubt!!

Remember, “Can” and “Cannot” are temporary. If you were judged that you cannot do a particular task in the past or if you ever gave up on a passion after several failed attempts, give that “One more try” now. You might have failed or were judged-so probably because “that day” wasn’t your day or you were still gaining “that skill” which was required to succeed. Our “that day” is not every day and human ability changes from time-to-time, with experience & exposure.

Give a vibrant shade to your wings of dreams and let some of those colours spill over your dear ones’ dreams as well. I am already helping my DD paint her dream rainbow and you know what, her colour pallet has VIBGYOR and beyond!! At the end of it, I am dreaming too and my dream is a big, big picture of my kids’ dreams!! 🙂

My DD would one day fly a plane herself through the widespread sky and count the stars in entirety. Yes, she definitely would, because she believes “She Can” and I see that promise in her two bright twinkling star-studded eyes!!

***********************************************************************

Your time please???

‘SHE’ hurriedly tried gathering herself up from the bed at 6:00 am one morning and began her usual race with the clock. One by one, cooking, cleaning, getting the baby ready and getting herself ready were all done as the minute hand of the clock progressed. At 7:45 am ‘HE’ stood at the gate waving them good bye as he left for office. Without any time available to even take a deep breath, she started packing her baby’s day care bag and her bag and left the house. 8:00 am – 6:00 pm is not her time. Back home at 6:00pm, the race continues with kid’s activity catch-ups, cooking, cleaning, feeding, eating and sleeping.

This is the routine of an ‘Average Indian woman’. By ‘Average Indian’, I mean the one, who’s basically playing the Dhashavatharas* of Career Woman, Wife, Mother, Home Tutor, Cook, Part-Time Cleaner, Part-Time Nanny (in case of infant), Counselor, Referee (In case of more than a kid) and Armature Doctor. Men also seem equally busy with their own schedules.

Ultimately, though we all socialize excellently well on Facebook and Twitter, there is hardly an eye contact with your dear ones at home…. 😦 sad! Just think when was the last time you felt the warmth of your spouse’s palm or the recent time when you kissed your kid goodnight. All activities at home have schedules drawn that are accordingly monitored.

We are all going through extreme stress due to various reasons. Only when this stress goes off head and heart, can one dig back the long lost love.

Our Job, whether at home or at workplace, is ours. So why don’t we do it all happy? All that we need is 1 spoon of correction and 1 spoon of relaxation. I am writing this out based on my interests, the idea here is to adopt the ones that would suit you well.

All through our childhood and even yesterday, we might have been a perfectionist, but when the current minute does not allow you to continue to be so, just let it go. Pushing yourself only causes stress. It’s just your habit and you can always get back to being so anytime. Some minor and major timely corrections actually save our souls.

I would say we are half relaxed the moment we start indulging in activities of our interest. My 1 spoon of relaxation comprises of a combo of Music, Friends, Time with my kid and kids of her age, Meditating and the recently re-discovered Writing. Music is any time the best way to relax your mind and soul. Sometimes peppy songs gear you up, some other time melody pacifies you. Choose them according to your mood swings. Who would not love chit-chats with friends? But, I stay away from gossipy friends as gossiping only gives me more stress. The game plan here lies in choosing apt friends. Coming to children, they are instant energizers for anybody. This list on relaxation goes on and on. A relaxed mind keeps you at peace even at a peak rush and gets better results.

I was telling a friend recently, how well organized my schedules were in the recent past, and how messed up they have now become, due to uncontrollable situations. All that she had to tell me was, “Oh… C’mon! You are not a super-human”. Her assurance gave me a sigh of relief and made me realize the one common mistake that we have all been doing. All of us voluntarily push ourselves or are made to push ourselves to do as many things that do not fit-in an average workable day. This is where nature takes us to a ‘check & mate’ situation. The tug of war starts here and we, being modern age humans, not willing to accept defeat, keep pulling and pulling at the rope. It’s OK now!! Just let it go! Even if you fall, you have caring hands all around you, that you failed to notice in the struggle, which would hold you safe. 🙂

Life at the surface level might seem to be so easy. But, living life at the surface level in reality, takes us nowhere. Just like how mother earth has carefully stored all her lava in the core, life treasures all its deep feelings such as Love, Lust, Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Compassion, Peace etc. in its core. These are human being’s primary emotions and are easily felt by each one of us. But, only when we are able to feel these as they are felt by our partner or a close friend, do we really live life to its fullest. This is when we are actually connecting with the other person heart-to-heart and this is the point where real bonding happens. To discover such bonds we need to win the struggle of getting to the life’s core.

In the current scenario where the ‘HE and the ‘SHE’ lives, the real challenge of getting to the life’s core lies in making time for each other.

A close friend keeps quoting, “No one is ever busy in his/her life. It’s all about the priorities that they set”. I find an absolute meaning in this. Living in a family structure, if we are not convinced about prioritizing our spouses, then life has no meaning. How many of us can confidently say that our spouses have “Zero” complaints on us? I am sure the one saying “Yes” to this is either taking “Spouse” or “Zero-Complaints” for granted. Both are equally dangerous and during the journey, are capable of destabilizing the relationship. The ‘She’ that you spent time with when you were just married would have changed a lot now, just like how you have changed. Unless you spend quality time for her and with her, you would never know the ‘SHE’ now. This applies pretty well with the ‘HE’ too.

Before I put a full stop to this blog, allow me to quote something that I recently came across.

“A relationship is not based on the length of time you spent together; it’s based on the foundation you built together.”

Spend that quality time with each other and let love bloom afresh. Let your bond survive as long as you exist, for you need one another despite all the flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes and sarcasm. The sun might set every day! The world would end one day! But the love and care for our loved ones would go on and on and on…

* 10 roles

Fundamentals of Facebook Status updates

“If you have a brother who made you laugh, made you cry, pulled your hair, stuck up for you, drove you crazy, hugged you, watched you succeed, saw you fall, picked you back, cheered for you when no one did, made you strong and will always be your best friend, copy and paste this status if… …you love your brother ….:)”, read a friend’s facebook status. I love my brother. So, I instantly shared it on my profile and felt proud.

“‎2 yrs “Mummy i love you”.12 yrs “Mum is so caring “.16yrs ” My mum is so strict”.18 yrs “I want to leave this house”.25 yrs” Mum you were right”.30 yrs” I want to go to my mum’s house”.50yrs ” I don’t want to lose my mum”.70yrs “I would give up EVERYTHING for my mum to be here with me”. A mother is irreplaceable…post this on your wall. the only lady who has loved you selflessly…! Love u mommy ♥. ♥. ♥”. This was the status posted by another friend on mother’s day. I again abided by. This time I felt too proud about it.

Soon after, a friend posted status update on cancer concluding with a re-post request… This time, I was a little hesitant to post it on to my profile because little voices in my mind were disturbing my thoughts and there was a slight pain in my heart. Yes! This status moved me. I was getting influenced by the subject and I was sucked into my past. It has been more that 15 years since I witnessed the scene. Yet, the mere recollection of it, itself pains.

There was a small and sweet family that lived next door. It was a family of 3, comprising of a 2 year old baby girl and a young couple, married for about 3 years. Aunty (was a good friend to me) was a house wife and Uncle (saw me as his own daughter) earned a decent middle class living. On an unfortunate day, uncle was diagnosed with bone cancer. The happiness of the family shattered that moment! They were left helpless and at least for once, they felt that God had no mercy for good people. The couple was in deep grief, while the little one didn’t even know what was happening.

It took a lot of courage for the family, firstly, to accept the situation and secondly, to fight this struggle. They went through a lot of hardship and saw worst of the worse circumstances, yet lived a contempt life.

Today, the 3 year old is an Engineering graduate in IT and has got a posting in a reputed IT company. Her parents are still fighting the struggle. The only difference is that, the then 3 year old now completely understands the family’s state of affairs.

Now!! I realized that by adopting status messages on Facebook, I was not contributing to soothe the pain the family went through, is going through and will go through. Putting up with challenges is not easy and putting up with difficulties all through one’s life is not easy at all.

Uncle has recently undergone the third major surgery. I took up my phone and called up aunty. She said uncle’s surgery pains were slightly better and he was recovering. I found myself at loss of words because, they were facing reality and all of us knew that Uncle will not be able to get back to the 1990s’ health. I could speak nothing, but, silence for while. Later we started sharing some of the good things we experienced when we lived in the same compound. More than me, uncle would cherish and relive those moments. The visualization of that little smile that would bloom on Uncle’s face itself gave me happiness. This happiness was even more than the one that I would have probably got when my friends clicked on the “Like” button on my adopted status.

It then dawned on me that mere copying of status messages isn’t any value add. What really matters is how much you connect with them. I thought I should henceforth not adopt status messages, where connecting is more important.

With such a clear realization, I logged on to my Facebook account and saw an update from a friend that read: “Cousins are the first friends of your life… your childhood friends. No one will ever understand your crazy family like your cousins do… even if you haven’t been able to talk much lately… Re-post this if you have some of the best cousins in the world… i’m doing it coz mine are the best of the best…!!!! Luv u all!!!”

I was about to copy and paste, but hurriedly pulled back! Oops! What am I doing? What to do??!! Responses to status messages in FB have become more than habit!! It spreads faster than cancer unless diagnosed and slashed at stage I itself! The real awareness lies in getting connected! Awake!! Go ahead and re-connect!